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Never try or even attempt to understand or empathize with, what people are going through. It's a common mistake people make, not realizing that somewhere along the way, emotions will get tossed around and misunderstandings are bound to occur. Many times, people jump into it- a natural reaction for people with loved ones- but there are the occasional few, heartless assholes, as the society dictates, who invest their time into listening and really getting a grasp of what the other party is trying to convey through a series of mumbo jumbo in between sobs and chokes. These people, these heartless assholes, are really just people who have decided to accept fate as the lone wolf, the lone individual, because well, it all boils down to one thing, we're all ultimately alone in this world. God's lifelong test for each and every one of you is everyone else that exists around you; can you or can you not live without them? Anyway, these heartless people are the only people out there who will tell you like it is. These are the people you want to run and cry to and pour out your heart and soul to because these people are the only people who will listen, not taking anything to heart, and they will honestly tell you that you are on your own. You are on your own because there is no one else out there who wants you around them. There is no one else out there who wants you to strut in and rain on their parades. These people, when you find them, hang on to them even if they really piss the fuck out of you, because these heartless assholes, are a very rare find.Now playing: Bad Veins - Crosseyed
via FoxyTunes
The absurdity of how people bluntly define solitude, really. The dictionary on my Mac has definitely destroyed the actual meaning of this word of surrender; (noun) the state or situation of being alone, a lonely or uninhabited place. Bullshit. Whatever happened to the actual meaning of this very, might I say, sinister word? The very fact that this definition makes this word seem so lackluster puts me into utter shame and misery. I respect this word far more than I respect my own Mother. Simply, because I have been put into a cell with this very word as my only companion, my source of inspiration, my outlet for imagination, my sole competitor, for a good half of my life. Because, how far can you go if you don't challenge your own solitude? Why, one can only discover one's true emotions, inspiration, physical embodiment, the test of strength and weakness on a personal spectrum, really, when one is in complete solitude. Prisoners come out far more experienced and self-discovered than they were in the past because of the first few weeks of solitude they receive. Put yourself in solitude, you might become afraid to find out who you really are. Because not everyone wants to know who you really are. Hell, not everyone wants know who they really are.
Now playing: The Cure - Faith
via FoxyTunes
What can I make of depression and anxiety, besides constant rants to the three voices that live in a rented apartment in my head and scanning my iTunes for artists who've achieved commercial success making music made for depressing, suicidal individuals out there? I feel like I've been out cold since that imaginary accident that happened when I was Ten because that's all I can remember. I remember living in a state of complete consciousness up till I turned Ten and everything after that seems relatively non-existent. What have I been doing between the ages Ten to Twenty? For Ten years what the fuck have I been doing? I can't even recall the bad times, aren't the bad times supposed to be etched in your memory? I don't see any carvings on my stones, no, I don't. I've checked and double-checked. I've tried to search for even the slightest scratch under a microscope. I've been in a coma for Ten years and someone else has been living out my life for me. I have thoughts of how it would be like if I turned out to be this disturbed being, continuing to ignore the fact that these three voices in my head, living in a rented apartment have collectively decided and have intentionally knocked me out cold so that they can live out my life for me. I wouldn't be so concerned with why they did that, I'd be more interested in finding out why they decided to wake me up from my slumber after Ten years. Why Ten years? Why wake me up at all even; after living my life for me and doing what's right for me without my knowledge? Is this some sort of cruel reference to Dylan's, no one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky ? I wish I could say that I am this disturbed individual. I so badly want to use this as an excuse for the state I am entering into. But alas, I cannot, because I am not the disturbed individual I so badly want to be, I'm just a dazed Twenty year old, trying to make sense of what I see around me.
Now playing: Beach House - Take Care
via FoxyTunes
You may be hopelessly in love, you may have a close knit family, you may even have friends who've got your back regardless and you can sit around and take comfort in knowing that there will always be that special someone or those special bunch of people whose arms you can fall into if all else fails. Lying on my bed, I thought my dog was that special someone. Then I realized, she may be my best friend, she may possibly be the only one who gives a shit, but she's still a dog. She can only be so much, she can only do so much. She'll live thirteen years with me and the rest without. At the end of the day, I'm still alone. Alone, because I've always been alone. I've never bothered to go out of my way to find that special friend who'll always be there no matter what and it may sound rather depressing, you may even feel sorry for me. You see, I'm content with that, because I know and I accept the fact that everyone has to fend for himself. You cannot rely on anyone else but yourself because only you, and only you know what you want and what you need. No one else does. Not even your parents or your closest sibling because you are an individual. You are independent. You are your own sole companion. You are misunderstood. You, are alone. Acceptance is priority now, you, are on your own.
Now playing: Neutral Milk Hotel - The King Of Carrot Flowers, Pt. One
via FoxyTunes
I hope you find it in your heart to forgive
The vomit of misery I am about to throw up
On your green corduroy shirt
For it was the early morn and
So conveniently sitting in my kitchen
Waiting to absorb the water
I had just boiled with a few Kilowatts of my anger
Shamelessly gobbling up
This communist inspired creation
I thought to myself
"Ah, this humanist world you created for us,
That I have sinfully let down,
The conformist I have become,
Trying to ease this pang of hunger"
Now playing: The Velvet Underground - Run Run Run
via FoxyTunes
