on the surface

Drowning. What is it really? I'm drowning all the damn time, drowning in lakes of uncertainty and rivers of confusion. I'm no longer fully aware of my surroundings anymore. I'm no longer conscious when I go about doing the usual shit that I do, day to day, every day. I've become someone who doesn't really know what's happening anymore. People are progressing far more with their lives than I am right now. Everyone who's graduated has been trying to get something out of that diploma. I, on the other hand, haven't even tried to lift a finger to get things started. No, I haven't even thought about trying. I've lied, I've ignored, I've forgotten, I've forgiven, I've been high. I've been high for way too long. Now, I have to be sober. I have to be sober because my accessibility to getting high is going to be reduced due to some unintended misfortune. I have to be aware now and fully conscious of what's going on. You see, I've been trying to drown myself for quite a while now but something always, always pushes me to the surface. A great force of something, I'm not sure what it is but if my mother had things her way, she'd tell me that that great force of something was God. But the fact is, I don't really give a shit what that force is and I think that's my problem. I have to start giving a shit about things that never mattered to me, like designing for a magazine while I'm sober... for a change.


Now playing: Radiohead - Lotus Flower
via FoxyTunes

rainy day wake 'n' bakes

She stared into the light as if it were a crystal bottle, filled with precious drops of 1787 Chateau Lafite. Completely lost in this novelty, the beauty that is the semi translucency of the blood in the wine, the light so gently touching each precise cut and surface of this magnificent entity, where one's dreams fill this hollow beauty that is the crystal that stuns the crowd. She carefully analyzes this vision that she has now completely immersed herself into, slowly dissecting each element within this bedazzling novelty. That bottle half filled with blood red Chateau, the consistency so elegant, the color more dead than alive. She kept them safe in this crystal grandeur and watched them age with grace and finesse, but her dreams, they never left the bottle, her dreams, they never came through.

Now playing: Atlas Sound - Quick Canal (w/Laetitia Sadier)
via FoxyTunes

the three and a half dimension

Wednesday night, I got myself tangled in this lucid dream with Jimi Hendrix. I was at some Woodstock like festival, the Woodstock of the millennium if you must. The place seemed reminiscent of Fort Canning, muddy, raining, a miserable excuse for Glastonbury, nevertheless, enough to keep the crowd happy and content. I'm in a crowd of just a million overly intoxicated white people and performers who, didn't quite make it to the 21st century. I don't know how I got there but I was staring at Cobain telling the crowd what a fucking wankfest this was to him; I'm paraphrasing of course. And from behind this hand grabs my arm and starts pulling me out of the crowd, out of the rain. I end up far and away from the crowd, walking with Jimi, sharing a joint, into the rain and into this carpark, past a police officer. Pretty much walking in silence, staring in awe before me, a skinny black man with very little chest hair, too much head hair and fingers of ecstasy. He turns around every now and then to see if I'm "feelin' it" and when he turns to face the front again, I lose myself in the swagger he carries with every footstep. The stride of a dead man has never looked this good, this glorious. We find a spot to sit and make small talk. He tells me he's been waiting to get out of the crowd. This twenty seven year old prodigy, tells me he chose to cover Dylan's 'All Along The Watchtower' because the lyrics sounded so cool. And as I sit there listening to him talk his high away, I start to wonder why I was alone there in the first place, why I didn't bring anyone with me or see anyone else I knew there. When my eyes opened to the sound of the rain outside, it felt like I died for a few hours and got thrown into this alternate reality, a whole new dimension, the afterlife, like that wristcutters movie, stuck in this strange, hopeless setting. If you've gotten yourself stuck in between the third and fourth dimension before then you'd know that it makes death sound like a damn good rock 'n' roll record.


Now playing: The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Rainy Day, Dream Away
via FoxyTunes