MY GUN TO YOUR HEAD (IN MY HEAD)

"You make yourself a pain in my fuckin arse and now you think you have the balls to tell me I'm not capable of doing what any dipshit in this world can accomplish, do you now? Don't you think it's a little stupid that you so badly want to see yourself in this rock and roll, rags to riches crap? I'm sorry we're all tasteless and boring stereotypes who want some cliche in our inexperienced, amateur lives. We all haven't been in your state but well, we're not all as stupid as you are now, are we? So, I guess it's been fun having you around to spruce my life up a little, here and there. A little grass here, some booze there, a coupla' good milkshakes and oh yeah, all the near obsolete bands and pretty interesting movies you've graced my continually maturing brain with. Anyway, thanks for derailing me on my journey to find my true calling. It's been a pleasure getting to know you and your pretty shit filled lifestyle ways. Oh and thanks for appreciating all the times I had to shut up and deal with your bullshit. Now suck it and piss off. Adios mi amor."

And I'll shoot once, in your third eye, and the second time in your balls, you fuckin' cunt.


Now playing: Oasis - Fuckin' In The Bushes
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(Monologue)

What do the Scottish and a pathetic twenty year old like me have in common? We both think Trainspotting is probably the only movie that makes being Scottish look so damn cool… I think. Well, that and the soundtrack is pretty damn good as well. It's been two good weeks of doing nothing and I am in deep shit. Maybe I'm procrastinating because I know I have one hundred and fifty bucks to spend. I know thats enough to keep me well nourished and satisfied for the rest of the month, and then Christmas rolls around and it's not like all my relatives are going to let me be broke during a festive season, right? I hope not. But then February's going to roll in as well and then I'm going to be broke again. And if I'm going to let myself live like that, like a fuckin' lazy bastard for the next two months then maybe, I should just consider myself worthless, sink into depression and maybe, just maybe, make everyone around me believe I'm insane and get chucked into a mental institution. But then again, do I actually have the guts to pull that off? Or am I just a starved soul waiting around for a sign from heaven? Wishful thinkin' eh? I could blame everything around me for the plight that I've thrown myself into. I could blame the media driven society, the money driven economy or maybe I could blame my parents for not pushing me into the right direction; for letting me make my own decisions. I could blame the world for not warning me of this outcome. I could. But what's the point of blaming everyone and everything else when it was my decision to make from the start. I can choose; to believe I am an idiot for consciously letting myself make the decisions that I made, right or wrong ones, or, I can fuck all and take a chance, because we all know these next two months of doing absolutely nothing, with nowhere to be and nothing to gain, this; is now or never.


Now playing: Pink Floyd - Money
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only fear

Time has become so warped now, I've lost track and now a year's about to pass by. My days begin at eleven at night now. I sleep most of my days away and forget to live. I leave my television switched on the whole night just so that when I wake up at around five a.m to go take a piss, I can see what's showing on HBO. I make myself a hot cup of tea at twelve every night just so I can soak oatmeal biscuits in it, while having a cigarette; makes me feel like an intellect. I watch IT Crowd on repeat every three days once at eleven p.m. just so I can laugh at Moss and give the English some credit for their humor. I am lost, I am unstable, I am fragile. Here I am. Naked and unprotected, fearing the worst of winter. Someone clothe me, someone… I don't know where I am, what I'm doing, my mind has developed into that of a senile eighty year old. I have forgotten who I was and I'm forgetting who I'm supposed to become. I have lost sight of my path and I have lost all of my possessions. Carry me into the light and toss me into the sun. You can't understand this pain, this dream, this forgotten memory. I've lost-


Now playing: Deerhunter - Sailing
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