Drowning. What is it really? I'm drowning all the damn time, drowning in lakes of uncertainty and rivers of confusion. I'm no longer fully aware of my surroundings anymore. I'm no longer conscious when I go about doing the usual shit that I do, day to day, every day. I've become someone who doesn't really know what's happening anymore. People are progressing far more with their lives than I am right now. Everyone who's graduated has been trying to get something out of that diploma. I, on the other hand, haven't even tried to lift a finger to get things started. No, I haven't even thought about trying. I've lied, I've ignored, I've forgotten, I've forgiven, I've been high. I've been high for way too long. Now, I have to be sober. I have to be sober because my accessibility to getting high is going to be reduced due to some unintended misfortune. I have to be aware now and fully conscious of what's going on. You see, I've been trying to drown myself for quite a while now but something always, always pushes me to the surface. A great force of something, I'm not sure what it is but if my mother had things her way, she'd tell me that that great force of something was God. But the fact is, I don't really give a shit what that force is and I think that's my problem. I have to start giving a shit about things that never mattered to me, like designing for a magazine while I'm sober... for a change.
Now playing: Radiohead - Lotus Flower
via FoxyTunes
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